Hey guys,
How are you all doing?
I haven’t done my blog for a while now. So I thought it was about time.
I’m in a negative frame of mind at the moment.
Everything seems to be getting on top of me. I have not felt well for a while now, it seems to be one thing after another.
I run my challenges and that seems to be the thing that keeps me going but I fell I don’t do enough with them. I’m not sure?
Also I moved into my bf's house in January. What’s this got to do with n e thing I hear u ask? Well we are complete opposites when it comes to the house. He is very much a hoarder - I am not. I am a clean freak - he is not. I’m finding it extra difficult because it is his house but I can’t stand the way it is. He doesn’t seem to care. I want to come home to a clean and tidy house but he doesn’t care. This is really getting to me - am I being really pathetic? Added on top of this his personal hygiene isn’t that great either. I mean u don’t really notice these things until u live together do u? I have persuaded him to do the bedroom up. So at least I have one nice place to go...but my mummy comes to visit in one week and he has known this since Nov. We have been trying to do the bed since I moved in and its going nowhere he keeps saying it will be finished by next Thursday 9a week today) but there is no chance and this is winding me up to.
I don’t enjoy my work at the moment and something has just happened here that making me even more miserable and I am unsure what to do.
The one good thing is that I see my mum next week and we have a good few girly days to spend together doing really cool things. Usually this is enough for me and my happy go lucky attitude but not recently. I really feel like there is something wrong and something bad is going to happen?
I have my appointment at the hospital next week also - way glad my mum is here for me this time. The last time I had CIN3 type cells in my cervix that had to be removed and the doc f*cked up and stabbed me and I had to get stitches and everything hence me going private this time. I have read that once you have had the procedure that I had done the last time done it is very unusual to see changes in ur cells again. Well this was my 6 months after smear that I have had the results that I have changes again. I find this stuff difficult to talk about but I’m OK writing it here for some reason. So I have this incredible panic that it’s going to be the dreaded C word when I go back to the hospital and I know this is a silly way to think but it’s true. I’m also really concerned that I’m never going to have kids. With having PCOS and my mum going through menopause at 30 and with having all these procedures that increase my risk or miscarriage I feel I have no hope and have now half convinced myself I don’t want kids but in reality that sooo not true. I know I do...just not yet but I feel the pressure is on...
I kinda got off track there and this has nothing to do with weight loss...but I know u guys care and understand.
My weigh: This is really frustrating me now. I know I have to work harder but it’s just so hard u know!! God I sound so stupid.... of course it’s hard. It’s just way harder than I ever imagined it would be...but if it was easy I would have done it by now eh?
I guess I just needed a rant - if you got to the end of this post well done and thank you xxxx
PS - I was in Ireland a few weeks ago and will have some photos online soon So I will make sure to add them on here :) xx
